Post-semester depression

When I finished my last class yesterday, I came home feeling tired and directionless.  All of this work went into the semester.  I had no one to measure myself against.  There are no clear guidelines for how to get an A.  There are no grades or limits.  I made myself feel better when I was overwhelmed by reminding myself that at a school like mine, I would have to try harder to not pass a class.  Regardless, I wanted the equivalent of an A.  The last month has been a frenzy of making up for past assignments I was disappointed in, getting my teachers to appreciate me, and showing up all of my classmates by revealing my concealed hand at the last possible moment.

This semester was difficult.  I felt overworked, overstressed, and unsure of how I fit into everything around me.  I closed myself off from other students, judged them, and criticized my teachers.  Then, somehow, with the help of all of you, it changed.  I got to watch how mutable my reality was.  I felt a little crazy for a while, because I thought I was missing a more objective reality.  Then, I felt powerful because I could change more of it than I’d thought.  This changed my output significantly.  I balanced out the half-complete painting I brought into my midterm critique with a series of five paintings and twelve small abstract pieces.  Most of them could use some work, I’m sure.  There’s something to be said for not using perfection as an excuse to not work, so I am happy with my volume and managed to turn in more work than anyone in the class.

So, before I go on any further.  Thank you guys.

I still need to work on the list of things I want to overcome.  I had a few tics I wanted to work on this semester, but I may have had the wrong list.  For instance, Ed suggests that working on my social ability might be a more important focus than I think.  He’s probably right.  There just seems to be too many things I want to fix in myself.  It’s funny how a new social situation can really show those things.

So, the semester is over.  In that last month’s rush, I didn’t get much sleep, didn’t have any breakdowns, worked on a lot, kept learning through the process instead of just trying to jam stuff through, and had fun.  There is also a certain comfort in not having to think of what to do with your time, since it’s already planned by an approaching deadline.  Because of all of this, I was willing to give into my post-semester depression.  I expected it.  But something changed today.  Today feels wonderful.

I woke up at 8:30 without prompting.  I started the clean-up through the homework strata in my dining room.  I took final photos of my semester’s work (most of it).  While I was uploading and editing the images, I watched a BBC miniseries on the Impressionists (which was very cheesy, but good).  I’m posting to the blog.  There is a ton of stuff I have to do.  Through all of this, I’ll still need to produce art and papers.  I’m open to new projects, and I may also start asking you guys to work with me on projects.  I plan to make this the best summer yet, and I believe I can do it.  The only missing part is that Dave may be missing from it, except for virtual form.

“Celebrate Change” limited edition print released

I’ve released a limited edition print for the Obama Election Night Rally in Grant Park on Craigslist and Etsy.  Apart from an early computer disaster, I’ve enjoyed working on this project.  We wish you guys could be here for this.  Ed and I have secured tickets, and we’re looking forward to being there in the cold chaos.

My sales post is after the jump.

Straight Talk

This is in response to Ed’s Facebook post about “It’s a Class War, Stupid” published in Rolling Stone.

A critique of marriage and civil unions in the Obama-Biden administration

In the following article, I review the statements from Joe Biden and Sarah Palin on the topics of civil unions and gay marriage.  Taking Biden at his word during the debate, I propose that the Obama-Biden stance is a good start to providing equality between homosexual and heterosexual couples.  I suggest the next step in the process of equality and separation of church and state.

Google Street View

from fukung.net

This image is from Chicago. The direct address image has now been removed from Google street view, however, you can still view the scene from other angles. I saw this while looking through a random image archive, and thought it was perfect timing as Ed and I were just discussing Google’s new face-blurring policy change with Dan.

Other interesting shots:
prostitutes
blurred face algorithm at work

Another update post

Sometimes it seems as if I’m in the middle of a soap opera.  Recently, I’ve felt things developing into one of those times.  I’m sure that if I were a gifted writer, I could spin some of this into some entertaining Sedaris-style work.  Unfortunately, I have just enough skill to break it down into manageable chunks.

Apartment Photos

East Garfield Park Apartment

Our current place

NY Times: Lacking Credits, Some Students Learn a Shortcut

April 11, 2007
By ELISSA GOOTMAN and SHARONA COUTTS

Dennis Bunyan showed up for his first-semester senior English class at Wadleigh Secondary School in Harlem so rarely that, as he put it, “I basically didn’t attend.”

But despite his sustained absence, Mr. Bunyan got the credit he needed to graduate last June by completing just three essay assignments, which he said took about 10 hours.

“I’m grateful for it, but it also just seems kind of, you know, outrageous,” Mr. Bunyan said. “There’s no way three essays can possibly cover a semester of work.”

Mr. Bunyan was able to graduate through what is known as credit recovery — letting those who lack credits make them up by means other than retaking a class or attending traditional summer school. Although his principal said the makeup assignments were as rigorous as regular course work, Mr. Bunyan’s English teacher, Charan Morris, was so troubled that she boycotted the graduation ceremony, writing in an e-mail message to students that she believed some were “being pushed through the system regardless of whether they have done the work to earn their diploma.”

Throughout the city, an ad hoc system of helping students like Mr. Bunyan over the hump is taking root in public high schools, sometimes over the protests of teachers, who call credit recovery programs a poor substitute for classroom learning and say they ultimately devalue the diploma. In interviews, teachers or principals at more than a dozen schools said the programs ranged from five-day crunch sessions over school breaks, to interactive computer programs culminating in an online test, to independent study packets — and varied in quality.
more

The Onion: Black Guy Asks Nation For Change

Black Guy Asks Nation For Change CHICAGO—According to witnesses, a loud black man approached a crowd of some 4,000 strangers in downtown Chicago Tuesday and made repeated demands for change. “The time for change is now,” said the black guy, yelling at everyone within earshot for 20 straight minutes, practically begging America for change. “The need for change is stronger and more urgent than ever before. And only you—the people standing here today, and indeed all the people of this great nation—only you can deliver this change.”

When did the Onion get its groove back? I remember picking it up, wanting to laugh at anything even remotely funny. Now, I don’t have to try as hard. It’s like the dark years of SNL. My theory is that half of the Onion staff quit to move onto failing movie careers and/or died. Ed thinks they just got lazy because of Bush.

an update of sorts

I am looking forward to next Thursday.

Ed and I will be attending a BFA show opening exclusive to the transfer students who were recently admitted into SAIC. We will take a look at what current students are doing, discuss art and school, and tour the campus.

That evening, we will attend the student show at Oakton (OakArt). Our dream drawing assignments are on display. My mom has been wanting to meet with us, so I’ve invited her to attend.

Of course the best part of this is that Ed and I have the day off of work.

SAIC

So, I’ve been meaning to summarize my SAIC admissions experience so far.  At first I was concerned about jumping the gun as well as publicly posting some sensitive items.
I met with the head of undergrad admissions (Scott) on Feb. 21.  Ed went along with me to the meeting.  We were in for around an hour.  It really felt like we both “clicked” with Scott.  I rarely get that feeling.  I certainly didn’t expect to click in this situation.  I’ve read that it’s important to walk into this kind of meeting ready for criticism.  It’s stressed that the best impression you can leave is to take it well.  Not only did he not criticize my work, he complimented it.  He said it’s once of the better transfer portfolios he’d seen in his time at the school.  He told me that he was approving my portfolio on the spot, he’d expect me to see merit money of some kind, and I belong there.  After talking about art, conversation moved on to the chans, viral marketing, and Cloverfield.

I had until March 3rd to be accepted into the school (with all of my requirements in, etc) in order to be tossed into the merit pool.  Somehow I made it.  I tried to get as much to the school in electronic form as I could.  I promised that hard copies would follow by mail.  I’ve been assured that I’m in the merit pool.

I’ve gotten my official acceptance letter.  To seal the deal of attending the school, I need to make a non-refundable tuition down payment of $300 by May 1.  Since the amount of money offered to me is the final key to my decision, I am waiting this out as long as I can.  Novy called once of his contacts at the school who assured him that award letters would go out by the end of March.  So, until then, I wait.

Ed has given me permission to feel excited about this.  Really, I’m still pretty apprehensive.  The more I look at the school, the more I think about our meeting with Scott, the more I really want to go.  I like what the school is doing.  It’s still an admired school.  SAIC is trying to keep up with the changing world by embracing technology.  The school isn’t afraid of pissing people off.  I won’t be forced to decide if I’m a painter or a print-maker.  I can make my own path.  I will be trusted to make the appropriate connections between genres and enhance my portfolio.  Ed and I have been following some of the west coast art movement, and I can get an education in Chicago that won’t be afraid of that.

What will I do with all of this (supposing I can make money and school work out)?
I keep thinking about my old dream of illustrating.  My goal was never to be a gallery artist, but I think at this point, with this education, I should be able to expect a few things of myself (shallow, practical, & impractical):

• I will work in series (like a musician working in CDs).
• I will find the amount of commercialism that I feel comfortable with
• I will show my work in galleries, but won’t rely on that (I think that galleries as we know them are a dying idea and there won’t be enough bang for my buck.  I’m more interested in shooting for coverage in High Fructose or Juxtapose magazines)
• I will teach at the university level (This is a very important part of my plan.  I want to work with you both on this.)
• I will work on projects with other people (you guys and other contemporaries)
• I will stay involved with other contemporaries across fields
• I will find a physical home that I feel comfortable with and contribute to the community (even if home is an idea and I’m physically moving often)

This list is only what I can think of now and mostly about career stuff.  More to come.  I would like goals for all of us to touch, overlap, intertwine.  I understand that things change.  It is, however, kind of important that Ed’s goals, my goals, and our goals can coexist.

Donald Barthelme

I would like to direct your attention to a short story that Dan read (performed) this past weekend. I truly enjoyed it.

The School

Links to many more Barthelme stories

Photoshop Portfolio

This is a selection of images from our Photoshop class final.

Ed and I enjoyed Photoshop. As soon as we got into class and learned where a few things were, I think we understood the logic of the program. We then knew how to apply our PSP and general program knowledge to the confines of this program. The same thing happened for us in Access, Illustrator, Quark, and InDesign. The teacher knew that we were moving ahead and were fairly disinterested in what she was doing. It was also pretty obvious that she knew nothing about computers and believed in computer magic. Basically, she asked us to work together on a project.

I’ll start off by saying that I’m pretty happy with these. They have a theme, but there is no higher message or secret code. I expect there to be continuity in a final portfolio. I was looking for a formula that would still allow the images some individual personality in a limited set. Obviously, if I continued with this theme for much longer, it would be too easy and worn out. I think for a limited set, this works. The abstract of the theme centers around unsettling images. The positioning of everything was very intentional. The images were cut off abruptly. Each image starts to focus more and more on the wallpaper pattern (the negative space). There is repetition of wallpaper, a person, mundane objects, and ornate objects/frames. The story theme is loosely strung together from the ideas of a Grimm fairytale or Mother Goose (think of the pre-cleaned versions) or a haunted house full of self-reference and repeating moments (psychic imprints).

Things left unsaid

I have a habit of starting a blog and not posting. After I reduce all things to a singularity in my head, everything is the same as everything else. One thing is as important as another. Posting is the same as not posting. I have to stop zooming out so far. This is a part of my scope scope being broken.

Ed asked me to explain (in post form) a few blog-related things:

DeadlineWeaving
This is an anagram of Dave, Edwin, and Angeli. I posted a link to the anagram site I used. I was playing around and this arbitrary teapot anagram seemed appropriate.

Blog vs. Message Board
A blog has always seemed so personal to me. You can host your own opinion page, diary, running news commentary, etc. I don’t know if this is a common perception or if that is changing. We’re all use to message boards. We’ve spent so many years on them. There’s no need to touch on its structure.

I think that the structure of this WordPress blog (along with its modularity and plasticity) offers us a different way to think of things and link to things. This is all part of a rhizomatic structure as opposed to being forced falsely into a arborescent model. I think this will suit our habits of drawing parallels and direct connections between projects. This blog offers categories which relate to the poetry board, politics board, etc. at Society. Instead of a physical location, it’s purely virtual for us. In fact, a post can be in more than one category. We can also set up tags for a post on the fly. Both categories and tags are set up in “clouds” in the side pane. We’ll see the cartogram-style words solidify and become a little more helpful as time goes on. There is a calendar that will allow you to look at all posts from a certain day. There is a search bar. You can go through by month. There are many possibilities. They will be available to each of us without doing all of the research to find the one perfect way.

On a side note,
I have actually been waiting for an OS to be built entirely on this principle. I am staring to think that I’ve been looking in the wrong direction, however. You don’t need an OS for that (at least not now, and not in a world still run by Microsoft). This has been happening with Google. If you haven’t looked at their pet projects and their projects that are still in the mill, it’s worth a look. Consider that you can now own a virtual computer. Store your files in your near-bottomless Gmail account, post and edit images with Picasa Web, set up your own web page, update your blog, consult your lists of favorites, and post and edit documents with Google Docs, just for a start. It only takes one log-in to get to everything you need. Carry a thumb drive full of portable apps with you in the increasingly rare case that you access an unconnected computer. The world is changing in ways that fascinate me as much as it changes in the ways that depress me. I don’t spend enough time talking/posting about things like this.

Directions

Right now, the blog is available for any casual user to view and post (provided they have a WordPress account. We can turn this feature off and keep the blog exclusive to us only. We can also open it up to any casual passer-by. I see good points to all of the options. With a public blog, we can share our experience with others and collect information from them. With a private blog, we will be better able to upload complete projects to share without concern of leaked information.

Another thing to consider is the structure. I loaded this template after trying out a few others that I liked more visually. Not all blog templates have the same CSS tags in use. Some don’t show the author of a post (which is perfect for a single blogger that doesn’t want the repetitive information. We need to see who is posting the beginning of a thread, so that won’t work for us. We do have the ability to post our own CSS using “Sandbox” as base template. You have to be a paid user to actually save the CSS. Eventually, we could move this blog and its contents to our own web space. I’ve heard that WordPress has a decent system for doing so. Under “Presentation” is the “Widget” section. You can just drag and drop widgets into place on whichever sidebar you choose.

You can upload images and other items (jpg, pdf, doc, ppt, etc.), but there is a catch. I believe you can only upload in a main post. You’ll need to use html to refer to a file you’d like to post in any replies within the thread.